my names maggie and i'm a huge fucking dweeb
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brel00minati asked: When you get this, post five things you love about yourself. Then send this to ten of your favorite followers :) (don't judge me I'm doing something nice to people for once)

fuck you 

  1.  i love my hair/eyes (i think i’m pretty idk)
  2.  i love the way i dress
  3.  i love that i pulled myself together enough to date a super cute “hipster” boy who i could go on for days about but he’s so wonderful i love you calvin lmao i’m so lame
  4. i love the way i dance
  5. i love my acting skills and they way i present myself on a stage


things they don’t show you in porn:

  • elbowing each other in the face
  • leg cramps
  • queefing
  • accidentally pulling each other’s hair
  • ass pubes

things they also don’t show in porn:

  • sleepy morning sex
  • mutual giggle fits over awkward situations
  • sex fading into cuddles fading into sex and back into cuddles
  • your lover’s o face

so don’t ever compare yourself to porn thank you






ariana grande reminds me of the annoying girl at school with mediocre vocals that always gets asked to sing the national anthem or something for school events 


*non californian voice* omfg there was a huge earthquake are you all okay???
*californian voice* what earthquake

my anaconda dont want none unless you got funds hun


whats the meaning of life? son, its those little tiny pumpkins. the ones that are mad small.  you know the ones i mean. 


i love all of my followers but like

if we’ve been in a mutual since glee fandom you’re my ride till i die forever ok i don’t even care man you are a true saint and a deity among mortals

  • teacher: y r ur eyes red
  • me: allergies
  • teacher: yea ur allergic to that dank ass kush
  • me: hell yea
  • teacher: hell yea
me and bae having sex

  • bae: mmm yeah fuck me baby
  • me: put a quarter in the swear jar


y’all try to find the tiniest reason to not support sj/feminism like “oh wow a troll blog once said eating chinese food is cultural appropriation haha sorry i guess i don’t support trans rights at all anymore”

Beyoncé’s full performance at the 2014 VMA’s

cosmo tip #889


he still likes homestuck? jesus christ. jesus fucking christ. its 2014. not even expertcosmotips is funny anymore. all we have is a fucking elf from runescape with a halo sound clip and screenshots of ctrl+alt+del